Macbeth (or some notes on Student Finance England)

Good thing of today-received notification of having passed Access course, which I kinda figured I had, but it is nice to have it on paper (at least until the certificate turns up).

Less good thing of today-another missive from Student Finance England. Or as I have taken to thinking of them, my estranged not terribly romantic frigid date. Said missive asks for information which they have asked for and received three times already. I am divided between just sending it, and phoning to ask why the buggery they haven't got a photocopier or a scanner.

The primary thing I have learned since just after Christmas when I applied for finance is that if Student Finance Glasgow office and Darlington Office were a couple they would be in counselling. They are totally and completely incapable of communicating with one another. And I'm fairly sure Darlington cheated on Glasgow, since every time I have spoken to the Glasgow call centre whomever I talk to appears to have got out of the wrong side of life, let alone bed.

If you're likely to have any need for Student Finance England (I have no experience of the other student finance services but it would astound me if they are significantly better) here are my tips:

1. Keep every single solitary letter that they send you or any financial supporters (parents/spouse etc).
2. Scan or photocopy any forms you have to sign and send back.
3. Keep handy, and with several copies, lest they misplace them the following: bank statements, payslips, mortgage statements, rent books, council tax schedules, home insurance schedules, life insurance schedules, payslips, P45s, P60s, birth certificates of you and and children, marriage/civil partnerships certificates, divorce paperwork, change of name paperwork, full blood count (okay they haven't asked for that yet, but there's still time before September).
4. Befriend your local post office and make sure you get a certificate of postage for everything you send to them, and if you can afford it send anything vulnerable (actual birth certificates, final acceptance forms) by signed for.
5. Equally have read receipts on any emails you send to them.
6. If you phone them take note of the name of the person you speak to. If you have a fancy phone that you know how to use properly record the calls if you are able. You should let them know if you do record, but they record calls so its no big issue really.
7. Invest in a punch-bag, take up running, or attach a chain to your bedfellow of choice so you can more easily drag them to bed. You will need something to get rid of the residual anger from any communication with SFE.